You need to speak kindly–to yourself.

I’ve been trying to reboot my housekeeping system this past week, so I decided to give the FlyLady method a try. Last week I started her “Baby Steps”–she has you add one tiny change every day so you can build strong habits without feeling overwhelmed–and today’s assignment was Day 5.

It focused on changing those negative, nagging voices in the back of our heads and honestly? I actually put this one off. I was supposed to do it on Saturday, but… it felt kind of stupid.

But I realized today that I also put it off because I didn’t want to address those thoughts.

They’re mean.

They hurt.

And… You know… What if I look hard at them and find out that they’re right?

My Inner Mean Girl

But five days in, I’m in this thing now. (I’ve got a shiny sink and everything.) So during lunch today, while the kids were in quiet time, I took out a piece of paper and wrote them down.

All the mean, nasty, hurtful things I say to myself.

I consider myself pretty well adjusted. I’m pretty good at positive self-talk. (I’ve got clinical depression, so that was one of the first skills I learned with my counselor.)

But you know what? These things I didn’t really acknowledge I was saying to myself? When I wrote them down, I realized how badly they hurt me. My own thoughts, the words I was saying to myself hurt just as deeply as if someone else were screaming them at me. The pain was almost physical.

…

You are fat. Your stomach is gross.

 

No matter how hard you try you will never be a healthy weight again.

 

Your best isn’t ever going to be good enough to get you where you want to go in life.

 

Your efforts are pathetic and pointless.

…

Do you say things like these to yourself, mama?

Does your heart ache from them, like mine does today?

Be Nice

We tell our kids this all the time, right?

“Just be nice!”

“Kind voices please!”

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” (My kids just learned that one a couple weeks ago, so its getting heavy use in our house. )

But what about ourselves, mama?

Do we say this to ourselves? To our own thoughts?

“Be nice.”

Do we take time–make the effort–to be kind to ourselves?

The second part of my “Baby Step” today was to change all those negative thoughts by writing down a positive answer to each of them.

It was hard, mama.

It felt a little cheesy at first, so I had to play around until I found the right words. The words I could read–or even say aloud–and mean.

…

My body is strong, healthy, beautiful, and capable.

 

As I focus on my health, I will be able to build a healthier body. Give. It. Time.

 

My best is always enough when I allow God to make up the difference.

 

I’m doing good.

…

If you have ten minutes today, I’d really recommend you give this a try.

When you write down your affirmations (the good stuff!), post them somewhere you’ll see them. A lot. Put a post-it on your steering wheel, mirror, fridge, wherever. Tuck them in your scriptures. Make them the lock screen on your phone.

Practice being kind to yourself, building yourself up instead of tearing yourself down.

It’s going to take time, mama.

It’s going to take practice.

And that’s okay.

As always, we’re in it together. Love you.

xo,
Jamie