“You know I love my kids, but I just need a break!“
Motherhood: Make-up free, dry-shampooed, and in close quarters with our kids 24/7. Is it any wonder we’re all on Marco Polo or text threads with our mom friends, starting practically every conversation with that sentence?
It is not easy being in charge 24/7, so if you’re having a hard time right now, you’re in good company.
Now let’s talk about what you can do about it!
Plan Around Your Energy
Mom burn-out happens when we consistently push past the boundaries of our energy–and it sucks.
One of the easiest ways to avoid this is to get to learn your daily energy patterns.
For example, I’m at my peak level of good-mood, energy, and patience from about 8:30am to noon.
Once you understand your highs and lows, you can set expectations & routines around them.
If I’m going to tackle something that requires a lot of energy I plan it in my peak energy time. If I’m attentively doing a KiwiCo Crate with my boy, making myself clean house, or taking all the kids to the dentist, it’s going to happen in the morning.
(Psst! I’ve chosen not to let my kinds use screens during this time! I save that until I need it later in the day!)
I’ve also learned that I am at my least patient and most tired from about 4pm until the kids’ bedtime at 8pm. (And I often manage this time of day alone while my husband works. Eek.)
So I try to make this time as low-key and hands-off parenting-wise as possible. I purposefully take a break from actively engaging with my kids. Instead, it’s time for screen time, couch cuddling, or independent (mom-free) play.
Snatching some time to myself in the afternoon helps me recharge, so I can finish the night strong with scriptures, prayers, and goodnight kisses.
Related Posts I Think You’ll Love:
- To the Mom Who’s Not Cut Out to Be a Mother
- 10 Ways to Keep Kids Busy at Home
- Rescuing a “Mean Mom” Day
- Create a Self-Lead Morning Routine for Kids
Practice Setting “Mom Needs A Break” Boundaries with Your Kids
If you are desperately longing for a break from your kids, chances are you are really craving some stronger personal boundaries.
You’re aching for the space to do something that recharges you–whether that’s texting a friend, doing 10 minutes of yoga, or just taking a breath and thinking a complete thought. (The struggle is–yes I’ll get you a snack in a minute!–real.)
And I know, I know:
It’s great to realize we need stronger boundaries, but it can be really hard to put into practice!
We mamas tend to feel pretty guilty telling our kids that we need space, quiet, or time alone.
Are we going to break their hearts?
Are we messing up their self-esteem?
Are we being selfish?
When we have these thoughts, it’s critical to remember a two things:
- Our children need us to model how to set personal boundaries. Kids learn how to take on life from watching others–namely you, mama. Setting personal boundaries around our bodies, health, and other needs is a huge life skill! They need to see us doing it to learn how to do it themselves.
. - We are better mothers when we honor our needs. When I’m wrung out and overtired, I’m grumpy, snippy, and reclusive. I don’t want to cook dinner or cuddle or even have a conversation. (I’ve been know to put myself in time-out because of this!) But when I take time to rest, recharge, and take care of myself I’m happier to be with my kids, and way more fun to be around.
So yes, in the short term, your child may be disappointed not to get to hang out with (or hang on) you for a little while.
But in the long term, they’ll get a healthier, happier, more connected parent–plus a powerful example of how to honor and care for their own boundary-setting needs.
Not sure how to get started?
Here are three ways to start setting gentle, healthy boundaries.
Permission to Take a REAL Break from Your Kids
Once upon a time, I was an overtired mom with three kids under 6, and my husband scheduled a snowboarding trip on his day off from work.
We’ve always encouraged each other to do things we love and connect with friends, so I wasn’t miffed or anything. I was happy for him. But I also day-dreamily wished I could skip out on responsibility for a day, too.
I was sitting in bed beside him one night, when suddenly it hit me: why couldn’t I?
I looked over at him.
“Could I take a day off sometime?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said, like it was no big deal.
We’d been married for 8 years at that point, and parents for 6–and it had honestly never even occurred to me to ask for a day off.
Guess what?
The work you do at home–the cuddling and teaching, the cooking and cleaning, the deep breaths as you gather all your patience to clean up an entire bowl of spilled Cheerios–all counts as real work.
So you’re allowed to ask for some time off from that work!
It doesn’t have to be fancy. (My time off rarely is!) It just has to be yours.
Your time away might just be leaving your spouse in charge and making a solo Target run. Or asking your partner to take the kids to the pool so you can be home alone with a podcast.
It might be asking another mom in your social-distancing circle to swap childcare with you for a morning.
Or it might just be allowing yourself to spend your at-home-with-the-kids day as if it were a stay-at-home-mom style day off.
Find a way that works for you–but don’t hesitate to give yourself permission to take a break.
You deserve it. <3
xo,
Jamie
