How to STOP BEING EMBARRASSED Once and For All.

Mama, you are awesome.

I know you are.

But when you’re going to a new playgroup for the first time and you accidentally insult another mom, when you get home from a date and realize you had baby spit-up on your shoulder all evening, or when your kid is having a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store–well, at those times, its easy to forget.

It’s easy to lose your confidence, feel your cheeks turn pink, and give in to embarrassment.

It’s easy to rush back to the car, cry into your steering wheel, and vow never to show your face in public again.

I know what it feels like mama. Trust me.

In fact, just to prove it, I’m going to throw together a list of embarrassing things that could happen to someone like me. NOT that any of these suspiciously-specific things have actually happened to me… But hypothetically… If they had… Well.

A list of embarrassing things for your enjoyment and vindication.

Let’s do it “that awkward moment” style just to make it more fun.

Again, these did not happen to me.*

*All of these happened to me.

1. That awkward moment when you get into a dressing room at a store after doing like five million other errands and talking to a bunch of people and look in the mirror and realize your fly is down.
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2. That awkward moment when you hit SEND before you’ve actually finished typing your text message and look like a dingbat.
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3. That awkward moment when you realize that your baby has pooped all over her clothes on an airplane and the only thing you have to dress her in is a crop-top sweater and some sweat-shorts. And that is what that sweet baby ends up wearing when you both see your husband/her dad again for the first time in a week because he’s been traveling and you were single-parenting for the first time ever. Yes: A a midriff baring Buddah-baby-belly out crop-top sweater and some sweat-shorts.
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4. That awkward moment when you’re in the middle of a conversation and you start to have a coughing fit because you’re choking on your own spit.
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5. That awkward moment when you fall asleep at your brand-new friends’ college apartment during a movie and wake up realizing you’ve drooled on their pillow. (And then you just flip it over and hope for the best.)
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6. That awkward moment when you’re in 8th grade and you’re walking backwards trying to talk to a guy you like, and you accidentally run into a trashcan and almost knock it over and everybody laughs.
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7. That awkward moment when you’re riding your bike and decide to spit your gum out and it gets caught in your hair.
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8. That awkward moment when someone congratulates you on your marriage by saying “Enjoy it while it lasts.” (Manners, people!)
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9. That awkward moment when you mutter “You suck” at someone under your breath and they turn around and say, “What?” (Okay I have to cop to this one just because I have to say that this happened in high school and I would never ever do that as a “grown up.”)
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10. That awkward moment when you’re in middle school talking to a boy you like and your backpack gets hooked on a ladder and you get jerked backward and… Yep. Everybody laughs.
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11. That awkward moment when you fall in mud that looks like poop in elementary school and have to call your mom to bring you new pants.
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12. That awkward moment (er… year?) when you learn HTML encoding and build a website like a huge geek to impress a guy and then find out he doesn’t know how to do either of those things. (But at least you ended up kind of loving it and getting a job post-college because of it and then becoming a blogger.)
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13. That awkward moment when you’re meeting a bunch of people for the first time and your pants split and there is no time to go home and change so you have to low-ride your diaper bag over your rear and stay glued to your seat as much as possible so no one catches a peak at your underwear.
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14. That awkward moment when a bird poops on your head at lunch break and your friends have to help you wash your hair in the middle school bathroom. (Middle school was clearly a rough couple of years embarrassment-wise.)

…man, I didn’t realize there were so many of these.

If you’re wondering how I still ended up relatively well adjusted and had steady boyfriends in high school and some really nice friends and grew up, got a college degree, and married a super cool guy despite being the type of person who can (occasionally) choke on her own spit, I will tell you the secret:

You need to learn to laugh at yourself ASAP.

I’m serious.

I am, at heart, no less dorky or clumsy than I was when I knocked over that trashcan in eighth grade. I’ve got a better haircut and I don’t wear baggy jeans anymore, sure, but clothes do not make the woman. Confidence does.

Growing up I remember my mom reading a lot about inner peace–one of the trickiest things for all of us, I think. One of the Zen parables she found in her reading gave me a great perspective on learning to gain control when I felt outnumbered or out of place. There are variations of the story, but it goes like something this:

A Zen Master was looking for a worthy villager to be his heir as governor of a small village. In order to choose the heir, he set forth a challenge to the three strongest candidates. All they had to do was find a way to snatch up and drink from a bowl of tea set between them before the Master could rap their knuckles with his walking stick.

The first two candidates try tricks of strength and agility and fail–the Master’s reflexes are too quick.

Finally it is the third candidate’s turn. He pauses for a moment, surveying the scene, and then, rather than reaching for the tea, leans over and takes away the Master’s stick. 

Guess who got the next Zen Master gig–and no bruised knuckles?

Laughter takes away the stick.

It’s true.

When you learn to laugh at yourself–with kindness and self-acceptance, rather than with shame–you take control of the situation. You project confidence. You diffuse the awkwardness and judgement by agreeing–yeah, this situation is unfortunate, and it’s also kind of funny.

You say: You can laugh at me if you want to, but I’m laughing with you.

Laughter takes away the stick.

And here’s the other thing–laughing feels better than any other reaction.

You could cry. This makes my face blotchy, gives me a headache, and usually makes me feel even more vulnerable and embarrassed.

You could get angry. When I get angry, I say things I don’t mean and do things I regret–like shouting (or shrieking) at my kids.

You could give in to shame or humiliation. Allowing humiliation to wash over me makes me feel socially crippled and incapable. It makes me want to hide and retreat.

None of these things are things I like. (And none of them are behaviors I want to teach my kids!)

So instead I choose to laugh. When I laugh, I feel relief. I feel lifted. I feel love for myself–the same gracious, generous, amused love I might feel when I giggle at the way my children mispronounce “hippopotamus.” (My toddler says “hippo-tummy-us” and the cuteness kills me.) I’m laughing at the situation, laughing because I’m still learning and because that’s okay.

Everybody is still learning, mama.

It’s okay to be embarrassed, but don’t feel like you have to give in to it.

The world can’t take you down, because you have a say in the matter. You have a choice. You get to choose how to react in any given situation. And your choices set off chains reaction that can redirect your whole life.

So learn to laugh at yourself, mama.

Choose to laugh at yourself.

Stop being embarrassed, and instead, be gentle with yourself.

You are precious.

Choose your power.

Because birds poop on your head no matter who you are.

😉

xo,
Jamie