The simplest, best gift you can give to other mamas.

Once a month I meet with a handful of other mamas for a Learning Circle. We read an article, then gather to discuss it, share thoughts and struggles, eat snacks, and encourage one another. And after the discussion we sit around and giggle like college girls. It is probably one of my favorite things in my whole life. 🙂

We all came together almost by accident. I saw a sale for the Power of Moms’ Learning Circle program, and threw a status post out on facebook inviting any mom I knew to join me. The guidelines suggest you limit your group to about 10-12 people (to keep it more intimate, and allow you to bond and feel comfortable sharing the REAL stuff, you know?) and I got just about that many responses.

The funny thing was, some of these mamas I barely knew. But I invited them into my home, and we’ve changed each other. We’ve lifted each other and cried in front of each other, prayed for each other and supported one another.

Now these women who were once just smile-in-the-hallway acquaintances are pieces of my heart.

Mamas need love, too.

We do.

We need friendship and compassion and encouragement.

We need kind words and promises that yes, my house has toys on the floor all day, too.

No, I didn’t clean my toilet this week either.

Yes, my toddler’s shriek raises my blood pressure just the way yours does.

And I came here to see you, not to judge your wrinkled, juice-stained sofa slipcovers.

I’ve had the good fortune to be out on my own a little more this year. Two of my three are in school at least a couple days a week, and my husband has been really supportive when I mention that I need a break from “being in charge.” (Because I realized, it’s not the kids I need a break from–it’s being the big boss of la familia 24/7 that wears me thin.)

On Tuesday I had 6 hours to myself. (Yes. SIX!!!) I may as well have been on a Parisian shopping spree, I was so carefree and happy.

I got a haircut.

I went to Panera and read a YA book, ate a Fuji Apple Chicken salad, and texted a selfie to my BFF in Arizona.

I stopped in on a friend and visited with her and her little ones.

And, obviously, I went to Target.

I saw so many mamas with their littles in tow.

Mamas with kids hanging on to the fronts of their carts, heads tipped back and hair swaying upside down.

Mamas with babies strapped to their chests and toddlers clinging to their hands.

Mamas soothing tantrums and little broken hearts.

And all of them had the same look that I know I must have when I face the big world with my small, irrational, beloved people. The look that says, Why did I come? What was I thinking? And how can I do this one minute longer?

She’s me:

With the preschooler lagging constantly behind as she urges him through the dangers of the parking lot.

The toddler shrieking with anger that she can’t eat the bananas that were just placed beside her in the cart.

The mama flushed with embarrassment and wishing she couldn’t feel everyone’s eyes on her as she pushes her circus through the store.

And we’ve all been there, right?

Let’s say so.

Let’s smile encouragingly at the other mamas in the store, at the gym, in the park. Even if we wouldn’t mother how they’re mothering. Let’s smile anyway.

Let’s share battle stories and wounded hearts with our friends, and confess that sometimes we wipe our kids noses (or our own) on the sleeves of our sweatshirts because we are in the trenches, and you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.

Let’s visit each other with no makeup on, or invite someone in without apologizing for “the mess.”

Let’s tell each other what we admire in one another. You are so good at playing with your kids. I am so impressed by how hard you work. I love how you read to your children. I admire how you make time to do the things you love. I like how you try to keep things simple.

Let’s tell other mamas that their children are beautiful, funny, well-behaved, or brave.

Let’s tell them that they look beautiful.

You might feel silly saying these things out loud at first, mama, but that’s okay.

It’s worth it.

All the beautiful things other women have said to me, I keep in my heart.

I treasure them.

I turn to their words–the words of women I love and trust, or women I have met only once–when I question myself. When I wonder if I am good enough or bright enough, if I have beauty in me or if I am doing okay as a mother.

Your words matter.

They are a gift.

Give them freely.

xo,
Jamie

p.s. What to do when you’re struggling, and a list of embarrassing things that have happened to me (to help you get over being the circus in the checkout line 😉 ) and keep up with my latest & greatest ideas & struggles on fb. Muah!