7 Ways to Survive Parenting in Hard Times

Every few months something sends a shock through our household that throws us into survival mode.

It can be something as huge and long-term as a grueling pregnancy, or as small and short term as a few days with the flu. Either way–it’s stressful, challenging, and discouraging.

But you know what else it is? Normal.

Survival mode is a normal part of parenting.

You’re not doing something wrong if you struggle to keep up with changes like these! While your day-to-day routine may look different than mine, we all feel unsteadied when our version of “normal” gets shaken up. And that’s okay.

Here’s what I do to do my best parenting when things get hard:

1. Stock up on paper & plastic dinnerware.

This sounds so simple, but having a stack of paper plates and bowls on hand saves my sanity when things get nuts.

When my kitchen is out of control, I feel out of control, too.

Paper goods mean simple cleanup with no washing, dishwasher-loading, or drying.

The kitchen stays cleaner, AND I have more time to focus on the things that really matter.

2. Enlist the kids.

Chores are a normal part of our family life–but a stressful time is not the time to set up a chore system!

Survival mode often means we live moment to moment, putting out fires as they come up.

You don’t have to put those fires out alone.

If you need help picking up a room, tending to a younger sibling, or unloading the groceries, ask your children to help you.

Asking your children to pitch in both helps you manage, and shows them that you value their skills and contributions to their family. (Be sure you tell them clearly that you do!)

• Rather than standing in front of a messy kitchen table ready to cry, ask your kids to come help you clear it off.
• Instead of picking up the living room on your own, set a 5 minute timer and have your family pitch in with a speed clean.
• If you’re sick on the sofa, get an older sibling to help refill the baby’s Cheerio stash.

If your kids are reluctant to help…

Sometimes the idea of battling with our kids is enough to make us give up before we even ask for help.

If you’re hesitant to request help for fear of starting World War 3, consider trying one (or both!) of these strategies:

• Tell them you need and value their help.
  I’m feeling sick today, and I really need your help. Could you please get your sister a snack for me?
  .
  Be sure to say a sincere “Thank you” when they complete the task.
  Thank you so much, that really helped me out.
  .
• Use Amy McCready’s “When-Then” technique.
  Dinner is almost ready! When you’ve cleared off the table, then we can eat.

3. Have an exit strategy.

In tough times, it is more important than ever for you to take good care of yourself–and that’s hard to do when you’re the primary parent.

Having an exit strategy is critical: it can be completely draining to be in charge 100% of the time.

So if you need a minute to take a nap, catch up on a show while you fold some laundry, or even just the chance to walk the aisles of Target alone, find a way to get it.

Prioritize this for yourself, even if it feels hard. You need it!

You can:

• Find a local “Mom’s Morning Out” program,
• Ask a family member,
• Hire a babysitter (yes, this is allowed even if it is just for you to take a break!), or
• Swap with another mom.

My favorite way to ask a friend for babysitting help is to ask her to take over for me after all my kids are in bed. That way it is almost zero work for her, and I get a break from being “in charge” for an hour or two.

Related Posts I Think You’ll Love:

• How to Rescue a “Mean Mom” Day
• Overwhelmed? 2 Questions I Ask Myself To Stave Off Stress
• 6 Ways to Stop Being a Burnt-Out Mom
• Here’s Why Mom Self-Care is Selfless

4. Choose three tasks (Only three!)

I know your to-do list is full to the brim. You’re a mom. It goes with the territory.

But the real truth is, when you’ve got the weight of life bearing down on you, it can feel like it takes ten times the effort to get something done.

So when you’re feeling trapped, choose three things to tackle. Just three.

Find three things that need to get done that day, and just work on those.

The rest of the list will still be there when you’re back on your feet.

5. Delegate.

Already squirming at the idea of neglecting items from your to-do list?

Look it over again. I know it feels like everything has to fall to you–but does it?

Can you send your husband on the diaper run?

Can you postpone your son’s playdate for a week or two?

Can you pick up a rotisserie chicken at the store instead of cooking dinner tonight?

Can your oldest read to the baby while you get baths ready?

It is hard to give up responsibility or bow out of a commitment feel like you’re letting someone down.

But in times like this, our focus needs to be on the places where we can make the most impact.

For most of us, those things are our health and the well-being of our family.

6. Find your mom-focus.

What does it take for YOU to feel like your kids have what they really need?

For me, if my kids are fed, clean, and feel loved, I’ve given them the things they need most.

Yes, it feels awesome to have a sparkling-clean house and a home-cooked dinner.

It is fantastic to spend individual time with each child, make crafts and teach them to read.

But some days we just can’t do even one of those things, much less all of them.

When you find yourself feeling out of control, cranky, and just generally like the “worst mom ever” find your focus. Think about what your kids need most right now–and let that be where your heart and hands go to work.

7. Make the last ten minutes of the day count.

Life with kids is hard–even when things are going well it’s chaotic! But when something throws “normal” off, you can go from feeling a little frazzled to simply drowning in the pressure of it all.

We snap at our kids. We nag our husbands. We break down in tears in the bedroom closet.

But the last ten minutes of the day can be healing.

In fact, even the last three minutes of the day can help your children bond deeply with you.

So no matter what the day has wrought, gather those last 10 minutes before bedtime into your hands.

Use the best of what you’ve got left after a day of mothering. Remember the tiny miracles these people spark in your life. And know that it doesn’t take much to fill up little hearts (or big ones, for that matter):

• Watch a silly video.
• Sing a song.
• Ruffle their hair.
• Pray together–for help and peace, and with gratitude for all the good that comes with the bad.
• Give a back scratch.
• Read a book.

You can pick one or three or take a half an hour and do them all. But even one will suffice, if it is done with love. It’s all about love.

Carry on, mama.

You’ve got this.

xo,
Jamie

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