In week 37 of my first pregnancy, I gleefully packed up the contents of my office desk, bid adieu to my co-workers (and my beloved dual-screen computer), and headed out into the parking lot full of anticipation. I was going to be a mom. The hubs and I were going to have a tiny, precious, all-our-own newborn baby. And. I was going to have SO MUCH FREE TIME! (Are you laughing yet?)
Needless to say, in the weeks that followed that beautiful baby girl’s birth, reality came crashing down on me pretty quickly. A week before, I’d been giddy about leaving my job for the sweet, slow life of a full-time at-home mom. The week after she came, I was a hot mess. And even though I was head over heels for my baby, part of me (a big part!) longed to go back to the routine and reliability of 9-to-5 work.
Being a mom is hard.
It just is. In a matter of hours you go from having a livable, self-appointed lifestyle to drowning in the continuous needs of your new baby. It’s a bit of a shocking transition. Throw laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking dinner into that mix, and it gets really overwhelming. If you’re in the trenches with me, I know you get what I mean.
For the first six months of my eldest daughter’s life, I couldn’t get anything done. My husband finally counseled me to just pick one thing a day (in addition to mothering and all that entails) to do. Like a load of laundry. One load. Most days it would take me all day to get it done from start to finish. Often I couldn’t get that one load done in a single day at all.
Being a mom and a person can seem almost impossible.
While the challenges change as our kiddos get older, somehow the constancy of need always seems to be there. So when you look at the fullness of your life-as-mom and consider trying to add yourself–I’m talking about passions, creativity, rest, and ambitions–back in, it can seem like a lost cause. Like maybe this just isn’t your time. Like maybe your self has to get locked away inside you until your kids are out of the house.
But doesn’t that thought just make you despair? It makes my heart hurt. Because being a mama doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself, too. I promise.
I want to help you figure out how to do it.
I want to help you bring back the girl who can talk to her husband for hours, and feel interesting, bright, and fun. The girl who loves (and doesn’t feel guilty about!) spending an hour laying in a patch of sunshine with a good book. The girl who could give hours of thought, research, and preparation to projects, goals, dreams, and ambitions.
A year into motherhood, I felt completely out of my element. Almost six years (and two more kids!) later, I’ve completely overhauled my life to build a happier, tidier, healthier home, more peaceful and connected family and married relationships, and a more fulfilling personal life. I can finally say that I am (some days) excited to get out of bed in the morning. I’m happier, and everyone else is happier, too.
I know you love your babies. I love mine, too. And having some things that are for you, to fill you and and recharge you and remind you about that bright light you have inside–that’s not going to be a bad thing for them. What we want for our children is to find their voices, find their strength, and find joy. Our kids want that for us, too. Partly because they love us, and partly because they need us to show them how to get there.
Whatever it is your soul is longing for–to paint, to run, to connect, to learn, to rest, or anything in between–I’m here to encourage you and empower you, and to help you learn how to feel like a capable, loving mama and be your own person, too.
You don’t have to leave home, family, love, and the life you’ve built to find yourself. You can start right here. 🙂
